WWE Raw Results (01/28/13) – Las Vegas, Nevada

Date: January 28th, 2013

We are LIVE in: Las Vegas, Nevada

Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

The camera is backstage. Vickie Guerrero is standing in front of a Roulette wheel.

Vickie: EXCUSE ME! Welcome to Las Vegas! As the managing supervisor of Raw, tonight will be held under the rules of Raw Roulette. The matches will face under the hand of lady luck.

Vickie shows three wheels. The Wheel of opponents, the Wheel of stipulations, and Vickie’s special “Vickie Challenge Wheel”.

The first match tonight will be Antonio Cesaro versus Randy Orton. And the match will be…

She spins the wheel and it lands on special referee.

Vickie: The special guest referee match.

The camera cuts to the ring. CM Punk comes out with Paul Heyman and storms down to the ring. He shoves people around and grabs a microphone before entering the ring.

Punk: THIS IS DAY 435 of the most historic WWE championship reign of the modern era! I did not lose! I defeated The Rock and in doing so became The People’s Champion! I did it! ME! Nobody else! I DID NOT LOSE!

Punk: That’s your hero? That’s who you want to put on a pedestal? A cheater? Someone who can’t pin the champion without somebody else’s help? That’s what you like? Well you’re all cheaters and swindlers just like Vince McMahon and The Rock. I didn’t need anybody helping me come out and restart a match legally. McMahon screwed me worst than he screwed Bret Hart. It will go down in history as the Phoenix Screwjob. I got screwed! You want to celebrate, Las Vegas? You’re all pining for The Rock. In my world you don’t get restarts and water breaks. I got screwed. I’m the champion, and i’m here to crash your party!

Vince McMahon comes out.

Punk: You’re a thief! You’re a no good hack swindling promoter.

Vince: Mr. Punk I crashed your party last night, I can very well do it again. I was told that an anonymous individual videotaped proof that Heyman was involved with The Shield.

Heyman: Sir, if I may.

Vince: You may not! I’ve had enough of your crap! So Mr. Heyman you and I are going to have a ‘personal performance review’ involving you and your contract and this videotaped footage that could result in your termination. Have a nice party!

Vince leaves. Punk yells at Heyman and storms around the ring.

Later tonight, WWE Champion The Rock will come out and address the WWE Universe.

Randy Orton comes out and heads to the ring for his match.

His opponent, United States champion Antonio Cesaro, comes down next.

The special guest referee, The Miz, comes down to the ring.

[Match 1]
[Special Referee Match]
[Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro]


Orton and Cesaro are battling in the ring. Orton with a suplex on Cesaro for two. Orton grabs Cesaro and tries to slam him into the turnbuckle, but Cesaro blocks it and lands a European uppercut. He shoves Orton into the corner. Cesaro argues with the ref allowing Orton to come back with a clothesline followed by a snapmare for a one count. Orton grabs Cesaro from behind and hits a back suplex for two. Cesaro rolls out of the ring. Orton exits as well and he and Cesaro trade punches. Cesaro grabs Orton and goes to throw him into the barricade, but Orton counters with a back suplex onto it. Orton tosses Cesaro back in the ring, but leaves his head on the apron for a couple uppercuts of his own. Cesaro enters the ring and stomps on Cesaro until Miz tells him to stop. He grabs Cesaro’s legs and slingshots his throat into the bottom rope. He covers and gets two. Orton brings Cesaro to a turnbuckle. Cesaro fights back and he and Orton trade uppercuts. Cesaro wins out with his uppercuts and whips Orton into the ropes. Orton stops himself and back body drops a running Cesaro to the outside. Orton exits the ring and connects with a clothesline.


Cesaro with a back suplex on Orton. Orton rolls to the apron to rest. Cesaro climbs up on the nearest turnbuckle and grabs him. Orton tries to fight him off, but Cesaro with a couple headbutts that knock Orton down. Cesaro picks Orton up and throws him back in the ring. He covers and gets two. Cesaro applies a neck crank submission. Orton gets to his feet and headbutts Cesaro back. Orton goes off the ropes and Cesaro with a powerslam for two. Cesaro hits a double foot stomp on Orton followed by a gutwrench suplex. He covers and gets two. Cesaro stands over Orton’s back and applies a chin lock. Orton fights back up and punches him back. Cesaro goes for a clothesline, but Orton ducks it. Cesaro tries for a powerslam, but Orton slips behind, hits two clotheslines followed by a powerslam of his own. Orton throws Cesaro at the turnbuckle. Cesaro catches Orton with a boot to the face followed by a diving elbow off the top for two. Cesaro argues with Miz about the count giving Orton time to recover and hit a reverse neckbreaker. Cesaro rolls on the apron. Orton goes for a DDT off the middle rope, but Cesaro with a headbutt. He puts him in the corner with a few punches and Miz tries to break it up. Cesaro yells at Miz while Orton gets back up. Cesaro turns around and walks into a RKO from Orton for the three count.

[Winner via Pinfall: Randy Orton]
[Time: 12:41]

Miz helps Cesaro to his feet, and then drops him with Skull Crushing Finale. He mocks a tear and leaves.

The camera cuts to backstage. Vickie spins her special wheel and it lands on “Make Me Laugh”

Ryback is standing next to her.

Vickie: Go on then! Make me laugh!

Ryback snorts and walks away.

At ringside, Ryback comes out and heads to the ring to make us laugh.


[“Match” 2]
[Make Me Laugh Contest]
[Ryback vs. The Prime Time Players]

The Prime Time Players are in the ring with Ryback and Matt Striker.

Matt Striker: It’s time for the Make me Laugh challenge! The two sides tell jokes, and whoever can make us laugh first wins.

Titus: We got a joke, and it’s on you Matt Striker. What did the woman say to Striker last night when he asked her on a date?

Young: Ain’t nobody got time for that! Millions of dollars!

The fans boo.

Titus: Oh, you all wanna boo us? You wouldn’t know entertainment if it slapped you in the face.

Striker: Ryback…

Ryback: I have a joke. What have four eyes, twenty fingers, and is about to be unconscious?

He stares at Young and Titus. He kicks Young down. Titus punches Ryback back and runs the ropes only for Ryback to drop him with a spinebuster. Titus gets back up and Ryback with the meathook clothesline. He follows it up with shellshock while Young watches helplessly from outside.

Striker: Well that made me laugh! You’re winner of the Make Me Laugh challenger…Ryback!

Ryback then kicks Striker and drops him with shellshock as well.

Another video package plays showing Bob Backlund’s Hall of Fame induction announcement.

The third inductee will be announced later tonight. Plus, Rock comes out as WWE Champion.


Backstage, Vickie spins the stipulation wheel. It lands on Player’s Choice.

Vickie: Tonight, Wade Barrett gets to choose his own opponent.

Barrett is in the ring.

Barrett: Fella, I know exactly who I wanna fight this evening. I wanna fight that flash in the pan NXT rookie Bo Dallas! Yesterday evening was the greatest night in the career of young Bo when he threw me over the top in the Royal Rumble. Tonight is going to be the worst night of his career.

Bo Dallas comes out and walks down to the ring.

[Match 3]
[Singles Match]
[Bo Dallas vs. Wade Barrett]

Bell sounds. Barrett mouths off to Bo and shoves him. He then grapples him into the corner. Bo counters and punches Wade back. He then hits two arm drags and a dropkick. Barrett gets up and lands a kick to Dallas. He tosses Dallas into the turnbuckle and stomps him down. He picks Bo up and puts him between the ropes before booting him in the head. Barrett kicks Bo in the back a couple times. Barrett adjusts his elbow pad and signals for the Bull Hammer, but Dallas catches Barrett with a powerslam and hooks the leg for the three count.

[Winner via Pinfall: Bo Dallas]
[Time: 02:15]

Dallas runs out of the ring and celebrates his win while Barrett looks shocked.

Backstage, the superstar wheel lands on John Cena.

Cody Rhodes, standing next to Vickie, groans and walks off visibly upset. Cody will be facing Cena, and it’s next.


Cody Rhodes is in the ring waiting for his opponent.

John Cena comes out and heads to the ring to face Cody.

[Match 4]
[Singles Match]
[Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena]

Bell sounds. They grapple. Cody with a side headlock to Cena. Cena shoves him into the ropes, leap frogs over and hits a hip toss. Cody gets up and Cena with a dropkick. Cena and Cody back up from each other. Cena tries tog grapple and Cody kicks him. Cena whips Cody into the turnbuckle and drops him with a fisherman’s suplex.

Cody: This is a waste of Cody Rhodes! I’m leaving!

Cody goes to leave, but Cena exits the ring, grabs him and throws him back in the ring. Cena with two shoulder tackles followed by a spinning powerbomb. Cody runs the ropes and hits Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cody gets up and Cena hits Attitude Adjustment for the three count.

[Winner via Pinfall: John Cena]
[Time: 01:58]

Cena grabs a microphone.

Cena: By the sound of it some of you didn’t pick me to win the Royal Rumble, huh? Well any of the other 29 superstars could come down here and tell you how they should’ve won the Rumble. And then there’s one man, this man, that can stand in this ring and say “I won the Royal Rumble”. And no doubt throwing Ryback over the top rope was an unpredictable and enormous step. But it was only the first one. Because when somebody wins the Royal Rumble, the next step is to choose his opponent for the main event match at WrestleMania. And for me this is my most difficult choice. The choice for me becomes difficult because World Championship aside, either the WWE Champion at WrestleMania will be either CM Punk or The Rock.

Cena: CM Punk who for the past two years has been impossible for me to beat. Say what you want, but a champion always find a way to win and for the past six times CM Punk has always found a way to win. And then of course there’s The Rock. A man who I very openly spoke about even before he returned to the WWE. And when he did return I made sure he challenged one man, and that was me. For one year I opened up to all of you and said how I had to win the match that one night. And for a year I challenged him physically, mentally, verbally. And I proved that I had moments where Rock couldn’t even carry my jockstrap. Everything seemed perfect until April 21st. WrestleMania 28. My once in a lifetime moment destroyed. All of that year meant nothing. Everyone remembers who won and who lost. I lost that match. The Rock won. And with the legions of Rock fans chanting his name, you realize I have a difficult choice. And what better city than Las Vegas. This is a city built off of making odds. So do I choose the World Champion? Because no matter who holds it I have better odds of winning. Or do I go after the two likely WWE Champions who I have seemingly no chance of winning. I’m going to choose right now. I, John Cena, challenge, on April 7th at Metlife stadium at WrestleMania 29…I challenge the WWE Champion! So this goes as a message to both The Rock and CM Punk. You are both marked men by yours truly-

Suddenly, The Shield comes out and walks down to the ring from within the crowd. They go into the ring and Cena tries to fight them off. The numbers game beats him once more as The Shield stomps down on Cena.

Sheamus comes running down to the ring and tries to help Cena, but The Shield works on Sheamus until he too gets stomped down in the corner.

Ryback is up next! He slides unto the ring and tosses Ambrose out of the ring followed by Rollins. Reigns and Ryback brawl until The Shield pull him out of the ring and whip him into the ring steps. Sheamus gets back up but The Shield toss him into the steel post. They get back in the ring and Cena starts fighting back again. They gang up on him and beat him back down. Once he’s incapacitated, The Shield lift Cena up and triple powerbomb him down. Just as quickly as they arrived, The Shield leave through the backstage area.

Coming up, The Rock comes out as WWE Champion. Plus, Vince McMahon gives a personal performance review to Paul Heyman.


Backstage, Vickie spins the stipulation wheel. It lands on lingerie pillow fight.

Tensai shakes his head.

Tensai: A lingerie pillow fight? NO! NO! I’m a monster!

He leaves. Brodus walks over and Vickie looks at him.

Vickie: Tonight, with Vince McMahon gives his performance review, i’m not going to put you two in that match. Spin the challenge wheel!

Brodus: You’re the boss.

He spins the wheel. It lands on “Dance Off”

Brodus: The funk is on tonight! Don’t worry, i’ll tell Tensai about the change.

Brodus leaves.

A WWE Fan Axxess video plays.

Brodus Clay comes out and heads to the ring with the Funkadactyls.


[“Match” 5]
[Dance Contest]
[Brodus Clay vs. Tensai]

Jerry Lawler is in the ring with Tensai and Brodus.

Lawler: Our next match…

Tensai: Enough, King. Let’s just get this over with.

Tensai is in a robe. Brodus Clay is laughing. Tensai tries to take his rope off, but is shy about it. He then takes his robe off and Tensai reveals himself to be in lingerie.

Lawler: No, Tensai! It’s not a lingerie contest! It’s a dance off! Brodus was supposed to tell you.

Brodus: Whoops!

Lawler: Well, the rules are that each participant gets 15 seconds to dance, and the winner is decided by applause.

Brodus starts off with his standard dance moves.

Lawler: Alright! Hang on, that’s just our first contestant. Alright, Tensai you have 15 seconds to dance it off. And I don’t mean the lingerie.

Tensai is hesitant to do so.

Lawler: Come on! Listen, Tensai, this is Las Vegas. Don’t worry because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Tensai: Promise?

Lawler: Yeah, I promise.

Brodus: Come on big guy, give me a little tap.

Some generic dubstep plays and Tensai starts doing some dance moves including the lawnmower!

Ron Simmons is watching the whole thing on a monitor.

Ron: …DAMN!

Tensai and Brodus leave the ring. No winner was given.

Backstage, Alberto Del Rio spins the stipulation wheel. It lands on Body Slam challenge.

Vickie: Body Slam challenge? I have seen plenty of magicians, but with you being able to body slam the Big Show, that will be quite a trick.

Alberto: Listen, we are in Vegas. And in Vegas, anything can happen.

Del Rio faces Big Show in a Body Slam challenge, and it’s next.


Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to introduce Del Rio.

World Champion Alberto Del Rio comes out and walks to the ring with Ricardo.

His opponent, Big Show, marches down to the ring.

[Match 6]
[Body Slam Challenge]
[Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show]

Big Show enters the ring, shoves Ricardo and punches Del Rio in the corner. The match hasn’t even started yet. Show shoves Del Rio back and delivers a knock out punch. Show then reveals duct tape hidden in his singlet. He grabs Del Rio, drags him to the ropes and duct tapes his arm to the middle rope. Ricardo tries to stop Show. Show grabs him and throws him out of his jacket. Show then tears the shirt and chops Ricardo in the chest. Del Rio wakes up and sees Show beating down on Ricardo. He tries to break free, but he’s stuck. Show picks Ricardo, leans him against the ropes and chops him. Show takes Ricardo out of the ring and throws him into the barricade. Show picks up Ricardo and throws him back in the ring.

Del Rio: Stop it! This is between you and me!

Show body slams Ricardo. He looks at Del Rio. Del Rio tries to kick him. Show simply stomps down on him before typing him up with more duct tape. Show picks Ricardo up and chops him back down. He holds a beaten Ricardo up and taunts Del Rio before delivering the knockout punch to Ricardo. Del Rio gets to his feet, but Show simply trips him down and gives him another knock out punch. With both Del Rio and Ricardo out, Show leaves the ring satisfied.

[No Contest]


A Divas match is about to take place. Tamina Snucka and Kaitlyn are in the ring. The rest of the Divas surround the ring and are dressed as Vegas Showgirls.]

[Match 7]
[Las Vegas Showgirls Lumberjill Match]
[Tamina Snuka vs. Kaitlyn]

Bell sounds. They grapple. Kaitlyn shoves Tamina into the corner. Tamina throws a wild punch, lifts Kaitlyn up and slams her back into the corner. Tamina stomps on Kaitlyn while she’s in the corner. Tamina with a headbutt followed by a headlock. Kaitlyn fights back. Tamina tosses Kaitlyn out of the ring. One of the lumberjills tries to attack her, but Kaitlyn fights her off, grabs the showgirl hat and hits Tamina with it. Kaitlyn with a couple shoulder tackles. Suddenly, the other Lumberjills get in the ring and starts beating each other up in the ring. Tamina exits the ring and watches the whole thing.

[No Contest]

The Rock is scheduled to come out.


WWE Champion The Rock comes out and heads to the ring. The fans cheers him on. He stands in awe of it before grabbing a mic.

Rock: There is only one word that can describe the spirit of tonight. One word that symbolizes our entire journey. And that word…is finally. FINALLY! THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO LAS VEGAS! And finally…The Rock is WWE Champion! There is no accolade on this earth that is more deeply ingrained in my blood than this championship. From 1998 to 2003 I had the honor of winning 7 WWE Championships. And after 10 long years I can safely say that this is the proudest moment of my career. I’ve already thanks my friends and family, but I wanna take a moment to thank all of you. For 434 days CM Punk have come out and ran his mouth. He said you didn’t count. You didn’t matter. He said each and every single one of you were nothing. Well i’m here to tell you that those days, those crap days, are over. No longer is CM Punk going to come out here running his mouth followed by his big fat bald manager. Every time Paul Heyman he thinks about if he has a bra big enough to hold his deep fat fried twinkie tits! Tonight, we usher in a new era. Tonight we usher in the People’s Era. And that sounds good. We’re going to celebrate, we’re going to party in Las Vegas and we’re ALL getting pie!

CM Punk comes out.

Punk: Cut it! Shut up! Shut your mouths, nobody asked you for your irrelevant opinion. Look at you embarrassing yourself and more importantly embarrassing me. For 434 days I made that title special and you’re just going to flush it down the toilet. You didn’t win that title. It was handed to you. Yeah, yeah Vegas I suck. Tell me now because in 20 years you’re all going to call me a genius! If you were a man you’d recognize that that title is prestigious because I made it that, and if you were a man and had any respect for yourself, your father, and your grandfather, you would come up to me right now and say “Sir, here is your title back. I stole this from you and you can have it back.” And then you apologize to me for tarnishing what I made so great.

Rock: If you have an ounce of manhood and nuts between your legs, you would walk down that ramp and come and take it. So you got two choices. You can come into this ring and face me like a man, or you can stand up on that stage like a punk ass bitch!

Punk makes his way to the ring, but stops. He backs away.

Punk: I’ll be able to stand on this stage like a punk ass bitch, because it’s cool to swear. I don’t do things on your terms. I do things the way I want to. And I think i’ll grant you a rematch. How about Chattanooga on Friday, Vermont on Saturday, or anywhere else. Or how about three weeks from now at Elimination Chamber. It’s not my rematch. It’s your rematch, and i’m giving it to you.

Rock: Before you leave, you’ve got your match, but the only thing you’re taking in 3 weeks is a beating you punk ass bitch. If you SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!

Later tonight, Vince gives his performance review on Heyman.

Up next, Sheamus takes on Damien Sandow in a tables match.


Sandow is already in the ring waiting for his opponent.

His opponent, Sheamus, comes out next.

[Match 8]
[Tables Match]
[Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow]

Bell sounds. They grapple and Sheamus quickly exits the ring. Sheamus runs after him. Sandow slides back in the ring and tries to kick him, but Sheamus grabs hit foot and drops him down. Sandow avoids Sheamus’ attack and escapes from the ring again. Sheamus jumps off and attacks Sandow from behind. He tosses him head first into the ring steps. Sheamus grabs a table and sets it up. He brings Sandow to the table and goes for a powerslam, but Sandow slips out of it and goes in the ring. He rolls back out of the ring. Sheamus goes after him and Sandow catches him with a dropkick. Sandow grabs another table, but Sheamus manages to grab it and throw it at Sandow. Sheamus puts the table into the ring, Sandow gets into the ring and delivers a shoulder breaker onto the folded table. Sandow stomps and punches the injured arm, then tosses another table into the ring.

Sheamus goes after him and Sandow throws the table at him. Sandow wedges Sheamus’ arm into the table leg and stomps on it a few times. He puts the table in the corner and tries to throw Sheamus into it, but Sheamus fights back and throws Sandow over the top. Sandow hangs onto the ropes. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Sandow avoids it and Sheamus gets caught in the ropes. Sandow runs back in the ring and Sheamus with a springboard shoulder tackle. Sandow picks up Sheamus. Sheamus grabs Sandow by the beard and shoves him into the corner. Multiple punches followed by a clothesline. He picks Sandow up and Sandow counters with a side Russian leg sweep followed by the elbow of disdain. Sandow smacks Sheamus’ head against a table edge before setting it up in the middle of the ring. He puts Sheamus on the table and climbs to the top. Sheamus gets back up, grabs Sandow and puts him on the apron for a 10 count clobbering. Sheamus tries to suplex Sandow onto the table, but Sandow counters it. He runs into the ring and Sheamus catches him with White Noise through the table. Sheamus wins!

[Winner via Putting Opponent Through Table: Sheamus]
[Time: 07:19]

Vince’s performance review of Heyman is still to come.


Lawler, Zack Ryder, Great Kahli, and Hornswoggle are in the ring.

Lawler: Welcome to WWE Karaoke! Both Ryder and Great Kahli are going to have a chance to sing a WWE Superstar’s theme song, and you the WWE Universe gets to decide via applause. And you Kahli get to sing the theme song of Shawn Michaels!

Kahli starts singing the song. It’s about as bad as it sounds.

3MB come out and head to the ring.

Slater: Hold on! I got a question for any of you guys that wanna answer it. Are you KIDDING me?

Drew: Woah woah woah, sweet child of mine. You call this music?

Mahal: We are 3MB and we ARE music! You’re just an embarrassment.

Ryder: Are you serious, bro? We’re all about Rock and Roll. Kahli is all about head banging.

Slater: We’re the rock stars of the WWE! Drew, show them!

Drew starts playing air guitar. Kahli chops him down.

Slater and Mahal go after them and Ryder and Kahli make short work of them. Kahli chops Slater and Hornswoggle climbs the top to deliver a tadpole splash to Slater. Everyone starts dancing in the ring.

Chris Jericho is backstage, and he’s heading to the ring.


Jericho comes out and heads to the ring.

Jericho: WELCOME TO RAW IS JERICHO! And it is great to be back in the WWE right here right now! I was only gone for six months but it felt like six years, and last night when I was the surprise in the Royal Rumble I fooled all of ya. It was one of the greatest nights of my career, and I wanna thank all the Jerichoholics for making it feel so good. And I will never…eeeeeeeeeeeever, forget again!

Dolph Ziggler comes out along with AJ Lee and Big E Langston. They enter the ring.

Ziggler: Chris, i’m so glad you had such a great time last night…before I eliminated you. And in other news, why are you still here? You don’t work here anymore! I beat you and ended your WWE career.

AJ: I was General Manager and I put your contract on the line against Ziggler’s Money in the Bank briefcase. Sorry about that, baby. I’m the one who got Y2J personally eliminated.

Jericho: Can you do me a favor and put a leash on your little dog before she pee pees all over the ring?

Langston: I think you should leave before this welcome ends.

Jericho: E? Big E? Is that your bra size? Look at those pecs!

Ziggler: Enough of the jokes! Why don’t you just leave?! You don’t work here anymore!

Vickie: Excuse me, Dolph. The person who signed Jericho back to WWE was me. If you two want a match tonight, you got it. Let’s spin the wheel.

She spins the wheel and it’s a Strange Bedfellows match.

Vickie: That’s great! Instead of facing each other, you two will team together and take on the strangest bedfellows of all time: Team Hell No!

The WWE Tag Champs Kane and Daniel Bryan come out and head to the ring.

[Match 9]
[Tag Team Match]
[Team Hell No vs. Dolph Ziggler & Chris Jericho]

Bell sounds. Ziggler and Kane start out. They grapple. Ziggler whips Kane. Kane counters and Ziggler holds to the ropes. He shows off to Jericho.


Ziggler and Bryan are in the ring. Jericho reaches for a tag but Ziggler denies him and scoop slams Bryan. He drops an elbow and gets two. Ziggler teases another tag allowing Bryan a chance to kick Ziggler a bit. Jericho tags himself in, runs the ropes and springboard dropkicks Kane out of the ring. He then hits a running forearm and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Bryan flips out of it and slams Jericho down. tag to Kane. Jericho causes Kane to bump into Bryan. The two argue for a bit. Meanwhile, Jericho tags Ziggler in and throws him back into the ring. Jericho exits the ring while Ziggler yells at him. Kane sees Ziggler, waits for him to turn around and delivers a chokeslam for the three count.

[Winners via Pinfall: Kane & Daniel Bryan]
[Time: 05:39]

The third induction into the Hall of Fame is announced, and it’s none other than Trish Stratus!

Up next, Heyman is evaluated by Mr. McMahon


Vince McMahon is standing in the ring.

Vince: Everybody knows I love to have fun! We ALL love to have fun, and the best place to have fun is right here in Las Vegas, Nevada! Let’s have some fun, and Paul Heyman come on down. If you’re scrambling around the arena looking for CM Punk you won’t find him because he was escorted out of the arena 10 minutes ago. Come on, we don’t have all night.

Heyman walks down to the ring.

Vince: Ladies and gentlemen let’s give a warm Las Vegas welcome to Paul Heyman!

He enters the ring.

Vince: Come on. Don’t be afraid.

Heyman offers a handshake. Vince looks at it funny.

Vince: Should I shake his hand? Ah, it’s alright.

He shakes his hand.

Vince: Hold this a second.

He gives Heyman the mic, then rubs disinfectant lotion on his hands. He takes the mic back.

Vince: Have you ever had, or currently have, The Shield or Brad Maddox under contract?

Heyman: I want to thank you for this opportunity to come out here, look you in the eye, and settle this once and for all. Because the answer to your question is…no. I have never had anything to do with Brad Maddox nor The Shield.

Vince: Mr. Heyman, may I ask…have you ever lied? That’s not a difficult question.

Heyman: A long time ago I remember in the Madison Square Garden dressing room I heard your father say “Adversity defines a man’s character”, and i’ll tell you that I have lied every stinkin’ day of my professional life because i’m a promoter, and we promotors lie all the time. And I give whatever answer I can to survive and get through the next day. I have lied swearing to god, on the souls of my parents, and that’s what it took for me to survive. But knowing that my career on the line, on everything that is holy Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I swear to you I am not lying.

Vince: So you’re an honorable man?

Heyamn: I don’t know, but i’m trying to become an honorable man. And maybe I can learn from you. I’ve never been a saint in my life, but I wanna be here, and if it takes being an honorable man i’ll do that.

Vince: Let’s take a look at this honorable face. Do a close up on this face.

The camera does a close up.

Vince: Is this an honorable face? Is this an honest man? I guess I wanna show you some footage now. And i’d like to get your comments afterwards. Let’s take a look.

A video shows Paul Heyman and Brad Maddox talking to each other. Heyman reveals via talking to Brad that he has paid Brad Maddox and The Shield. However, The Shield are doing their jobs and not Brad.

The Shield appear behind Brad.

Heyman: Take this beating like a man, Brad.

Brad: Tell Punk i’m sorry.

Heyman: I want you to chalk this up to a learning experience.

Heyman leaves and The Shield beats down on Maddox.

Heyman looks shocked and scared.

“You Got Busted” chants.

Vince: Well? Mr. Heyman, this is a personal performance review.

“Hey Hey Hey Goodbye” chants.

Heyman: That wasn’t me. That was not me. EXCUSE ME, BUT MY CAREER IS ON THE LINE! You know what it’s like to be falsely accused. You know what i’m going through right now. That wasn’t me.

Vince: That wasn’t you?

Heyman: I have a thick New York Jewish accent, and it’s very easy to impersonate. We are in Vegas with a lot of impersonators, and that guy up there was an impersonator, and it was made because of jealousy for my success with ECW, my success with CM Punk.

Vince: Was that Brad Maddox? Was that The Shield?

Heyman: Yes.

Vince: But that wasn’t you?

Heyman: No.

Vince: Does Paul Heyman deserve to be fired.


Vince: Mr. Heyman, it would appears that I would have to wish you well in your future endeavors. In other words Mr. Heyman, YOUR-

Brock Lesnar comes out! He walks down to the ring. Lesnar pats Heyman on the shoulder.

Heyman: I had this under control.

Lesnar walks over to Vince and stares him in the eyes.

Vince: If I were you, I wouldn’t do something I would regret later on. Think about it.

Lesnar smirks and thinks about it. He then lifts Vince up over his shoulders and delivers the F5. Lesnar begs Brock to stop. As Lesnar leaves the ring and Heyman freaks out over what just happened, the show comes to an end.

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