Vince walks in through a back door and through a back area.
Coach walks up and comments, sort of, about the last time he saw Vince.
Vince says he wants everyone in the ring when they go live.
Coach asks why.
Vince says he’s an American and is exercising his freedom of expression.
Music and pyro.
All the wrestlers are heading for and entering the ring, Divas included. The ring area doesn’t look too full, but Vince’s music hits and he comes out. Vince struts around the stage and then says he has a lot to say tonight, on a number of topics. The last official time he was on Raw he was blown to smithereens. Video of him climbing in the limo and it exploding.
Vince says that’s the way he wants to go out, in a blaze of glory. We might be wondering why we might stage his own demise. He wanted to know if we really cared. Many of us don’t think about it, but he’s a sensitive human being. The out pouring of emotion was amazing. It’s nice to know he’s loved, by everyone in Buffalo, in the ring, by people all over the world. We think of him as a pioneer, an icon, a sooth-sayer.
He’s got a lot to say about a lot of topics, like the US Congress. The fans keep saying, “What?” The hypocrisy of the news media. He will also address certain people in his family, but right now he wants to address everyone in the ring. Coach comes out to boos and Vince tells him he’s late.
He says everyone’s in the ring because the bell will ring and we’ll have a Battle Royal. The winner will become the new GM of RAW. Coach’s face about hits the stage.
The bell is rung. Umaga eliminates someone, then he eliminates Crazy and London. Robbie is tossed out followed by JTG. Booker keeps yelling out at Jerry and gets tossed out for not paying attention. Sandman is the one to eliminate Booker. Shad gets tossed. None of the Divas ended up in the ring for this.
Everyone starts ganging up on Umaga, Carlito stands back and watches. They had him on the Edge then leave him be. Rory is tossed out. Val eliminates Cade. Umaga eliminates Val. Kendrick throws punches at Umaga then Umaga grabs him. Umaga’s own momentum eliminates himself. Kennedy gets eliminated. Hacksaw gets tossed. It’s down to Sandman, Cody, Carlito and Benjamin. Cody takes down Carlito with a reverse elbow. Carlito is almost eliminated but holds on and rolls back in from the apron. Cody gets hung up on the top rope and onto the apron. Cody jumps back in. Carlito beats on Sandman and Cody on Benjamin. Carlito gets suplexed by Sandman. Benjamin hits a hard shot on Cody. “Cody” chants. Cody goes over the top and skins the cat. Cody then gets eliminated.
Sandman is sitting on a corner. Carlito gets punched off. Benjamin runs up the corner and superplexes Sandman. Carlito and Benjamin are on the apron fighting and Sandman pushes them off. Regal comes out of nowhere and hits Sandman from behind with something black. Regal eliminates Sandman.
– Winner: William Regal – New RAW GM
Regal dances around the ring holding his boot, which is what he hit Sandman over the head with. Video of Regal faking an injury early in the match. Regal hadn’t been eliminated, then returns to win the match.
Video replay of the end of the Battle Royal.
Vince is out back in an office with Coach.
Coach is complaining about Regal not being a US citizen.
Vince says two different congressional committees are investigating WWE. Why two? Makes no sense. Vince goes on and on. He talks about President Benjamin Franklin.
Coach corrects him that Franklin wasn’t a president.
Vince says Coach isn’t out of a job, he’ll be Regal’s assistant.
Video promo for HHH.
Grisham is out back with Booker and Sharmell. He says HHH will be back at SS. Booker goes off about others trying to call themselves King. Next week he will face Jerry and the loser has to put a crown on the winners head, his head.
WWE Rewind – They beat a few no-names and auctioned off one of their boots for $40.
Snitsky comes down to the ring, Rory is already there.
A hard clothesline to Rory and Snitsky screams. Cup handle slam to Rory and Snitsky covers for three.
– Winner: Snitsky
Snitsky leaves the ring and backs up the ramp while Robbie tends to Rory in the ring.
Vince is out back talking to someone and Coach runs up. He has a call for Vince. It’s his accountant. Vince takes the call and says something about the other shoe dropping. He says they have nothing to hide. They should audit everything they have. In the end, they will owe him money, same as last time.
Coach asks what it’s about.
Vince says the IRS is auditing him. Of course the media will say Vince was laundering money due to being involved with a drug cartel. Do you know how WWE and the news media are similar? They’re both only about entertainment. (Vince is getting his shots in tonight, and I don’t honestly blame him.)
– Commercial (Again! Lots of them tonight!)
Jillian gets in the ring wearing white jeans and a blue sparkly halter top. She wants Lillian to join her. Jillian asks about Lillian’s new album comes out in the fall. Jillian asks if the fans want to hear Lillian sing a song off her new album. They do, but she says they want to hear her sing. Jillian starts to sing. Lillian looks as though she’s about to gag. Mickie’s music cuts in and she comes bouncing down in that horrible pink two piece outfit she wore last week.
Jillian sucker punches Mickie and tosses her around. Mickie gets bounced face first off a corner then to the mat. Mickie gets her arms wrenched back. Mickie muscles out and flips Jillian over her head. Head scissors take-over by Mickie and then a Fezz press to Jillian. A neck breaker by Mickie for two. A roll up by Mickie for two. Mickie kicks Jillian in the face and then climbs. Jillian rolls to the apron. Mickie jumps down and hangs Mickie up on the top rope. Jillian bounces Mickie hard to the mat. Jillian covers for three.
– Winner: Jillian
Jillian crawls off Mickie and glares at Lillian a bit before leaving the ring area.
Coach is out back wringing his hands. Regal comes up and he congratulates him. Regal comments on Coach being his assistant. Regal says he’s always wanted to host a game show. He tells Coach to round up some people, they are going to have their own rendition of ‘The Dating Game’. As Coach walks away Regal also asks for some earl grey.
Carlito comes down to the ring for the Cabana. He grabs a mic and says that some people think Carlito doesn’t have any huevos. He’s not afraid of anyone. So he decided to have the same person on his show this week. Cena’s music and he comes out. He looks pissed and stomps to the ring. He tosses his hat off and gets in Carlito’s face. Carlito gets backed up and ends up sitting down hard in one of his chairs.
Cena grabs a mic, puts a smile on his face and welcomes us all to Carlito’s Cabana. Tonight Carlito has allowed him to host Cena’s Cabana. Hewie Lewis and the News will be here, but first we have John Cena.
John, thanks for being on the show, how are you feeling?
See, john, I’m pretty pissed because last wee a Punk spit apple in his face.
Calm down john, we have a clip, let’s show the clip. They run the clip of Randy getting involved and Carlito winning the match. Carlito then spit apple in Cena’s face.
Cena says there’s not denying that’s real apple. But he couldn’t help but see a guy in underwear and a t-shirt, a real metro-sexual, who is that?
That would be Randy Orton. A guy who’s been ending careers and causing troubles, but I’ll take care of him at SS. Because the Champ is here!
Well, John, that’s a little cliche, but kind of catchy. Let’s give it up for John Cena. But now is time for the top 3. The top 3 reason I should trash the Cabana.
#3 – these (holding up a coconut) are the only nuts Carlito will ever have.
#2 – because in real life Carlito doesn’t like apples or spitting them out. In real life he likes to swallow bananas.
#1 – because, that, my friends, is cool.
Cena attacks Cena. Orton rushes in and tries for an RKO but gets tossed out. Cena grabs Carlito and hits an FU.
Regal comes out and says it looks like Cena wants to fight. Regal tells Orton to get ready and talk to Carlito and decide between them who Cena will be facing tonight.
Video of Cena beating on Carlito and pushing Orton from the ring.
Regal is out back with Orton and Carlito. Orton says that Carlito beat Cena last week and Orton will face him at SS. Carlito says they put their heads together and thought it should be Umaga. Regal says it’s cool indeed.
Vince sits Regal down and says he likes the match, but says he wants to get something off his chest. He says his son wanted nothing to do with anything after the limo blew up. And Steph was in the ring cutting an impassioned promo about her daddy, but that morning she’d been to three lawyers to find out how much of a cut she’d get. His wife was seen being consoled by a close family friend. He needs help consolidating his family. If he can do that nothing could stop them, nothing.
The loser will crown the winner next week in a special ceremony. Booker and Sharmell come down to the ring. Video of last week’s match between the two. Jerry comes down to the ring. JR is at the announce table talking to himself.
“Jerry” chant. They lock up and Jerry is backed into a corner. They exchange punches. Jerry drops Booker with a punch. Booker rolls from the ring. “Jerry” chant. Hammer lock on Jerry. Jerry reverses but Booker hits an elbow. Jerry hits a bunch of punches but is backed off by the ref. Booker hits a chop then a right drops Jerry for two. Jerry gets a bunch of punches in and drops Booker. Booker rolls to the apron. A boot to Jerry’s face and he’s down. Booker stomps Jerry. Punches to Jerry in a corner. A chop in the corner. A mule kick to Jerry and he’s down. Booker covers for two. An over-hand wrist lock to Jerry. “Jerry” chant. Jerry gets to his feet and punches Booker’s ribs to get out. Jerry goes for a dropkick but Booker moves. Kicks to Jerry while he’s down.
Booker covers for two. Chin lock on Jerry in the center of the ring. Jerry gets to his feet. Jerry moves out of the way of the scissors kick. He takes down Booker with punches. Booker gets Jerry outside. They are back in the ring and Booker hits a scissor kick. Booker covers for three.
– Winner: Booker T
Booker and Sharmell celebrate in the ring. Video of Sharmell distracting Jerry just before Booker hits the scissor kick for the win. Jerry is in the ring looking pissed and a bit lost.
Kennedy is out back heading for the ring.
Video of Kennedy and Lashley in the ring together last week when Lashley got injured. Tomorrow Lashley goes in for surgery.
Kennedy comes down to the ring. He asks if we know what Lashley is hearing right now. It’s something Lashley will be hearing from now on. KENNEDYYYYYYYY! KENNEDYYYYYYYY! KENNEDYYYYYYYY! Cainito! He keeps going and going.
– Commercial (Again!)
Orton and Carlito are out back motivating Umaga.
WWE Dating Game! Regal is hosting. He seems to be having a blast with it. One of the Divas will meet a date with either Hacksaw (his 2X4 is wearing a tie!) Who says he has his suit and his massive piece of wood, Ron Simmons who says… Danm!, and Santino who says he’s in lots of pain.
The Diva loves sunsets, walks on the beach and Rainbow Bright – Maria. Maria comes out in a hot pink and black lace gown, backless and HOT!
Regal says she asks the bachelor a series of questions and picks who she wants to go out with. She asks Hacksaw how she knows he’ll be a gentleman. He says he won’t call her HOOOOOOOOO. She asks Ron if he was lucky enough to make her breakfast in bed, what would it be? Spam! She says she loves spam. She starts to ask Santino a question, but he says it’s him so just pick him. She says she knows Santino, and that was the worst Santino impression she ever heard. She starts asking questions again and Santino says they other two keep saying how they hate babies and puppies and things.
Hacksaw says he should shut up or take his freight back to Italy. Hacksaw starts an USA chant. He tells Santino to stand up and be a man. Santino says he is standing!
Regal tells Maria to pick one. She says she likes the strong silent type and picks Ron. Santino rushes over and says they’re a couple already and to go with him. Ron tells Santino to scram! Maria is torn and upset with Santino pulling at her and Ron being a good guy.
Umaga’s music hits and Santino scrams. Ron helps Maria out of the ring while Santino goes over the barrier and through the fans.
a knock on coaches door and someone comes in with a summons for Vince. Coach signs for it. He opens it and looks at it. Coach says he needs to go find Vince.
Umaga is in the ring and Jerry is back at the announce table. Umaga doesn’t have his grills in tonight. Cena’s music and he comes down to the ring.
Umaga charges Cena in a corner. Cena mover but gets slammed down to the mat. “Cena sucks” quiet chant. Head butt to Cena and he’s down. A shoulder block to Cena and he’s down again. Another shoulder block and Cena’s down. Cena ducks the third shoulder block but Umaga drops Cena with a rolling kick.
Cena is trying to fight back but not getting anywhere. During the commercial Cena smashed into the announce table. Cena is trying to fight out of the shoulder hold he’s in. He gets out and gets him up for an FU. Cena couldn’t hold him and dropped Umaga. Well, he basically fell forward with Umaga landing on the back of Cena’s head. Umaga throws punches dropping Cena with each one. Cena leaves the ring, climbs but gets caught midair. A sidewalk slam to Cena. Umaga climbs but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena locks on the STFU.
Orton and Carlito rush into the ring and attack Cena.
– Winner: Cena via DQ
Carlito and Orton stomp him in a corner. Orton chokes Cena and then they want Umaga to hit his bum slam. They keep slapping Umaga’s chest to get him to do it. Umaga turns on them. He beats Orton and tosses him from the ring. Carlito tries to get away but can’t. Carlito gets a bum slam.
Regal comes out and says next week it will be Carlito and Orton against Umaga and Cena. Orton heads up the ramp with Cena on his tail. Carlito heads up the ramp with Umaga on his tail.
Vince is walking along out back talking to a few wrestlers lined up along a wall, the way they had been when his limo blew up. He gets to Paul London who has a HUGE smile on his face. Vince tells him to keep smiling!
Vince goes out the back door. He walks a little ways and looks back at the two guys hanging out by the back door – like when the limo blew. He goes a bit further and looks back again. Vince gets to his white limo and reaches for the door handle. He pulls back for a moment then opens the door. He climbs in, put one foot out and pulls it back in again. It feels like a total replay of last time. The door is about to close and Coach comes screaming up to him and tells him to stop.
Vince gets out of the car pissed. Coach says a summons came in and he signed for it. He tells Vince he really wants to read this. Vince asks if Coach has already read it. Coach sheepishly nods his head. Vince tells him to go ahead and tell him then.
Coach says it’s a summons for a paternity test. Looks like there’s another McMahon running around out there.
Vince looks shocked, Coach walks away.